昨夜 - Sakuya

Warning: this is a really self-obsessed post. its also going to question a lot of shortcomings of lolita.

Okay. seeing as half this group no longer even listens to my now feeble ranting, i feel relatively safe to divulge that i am seriously having a crisis of beliefs here.

Depending on how well you know me, you'll know that i'm a hard-out loli. well, as much as you can be being seperated by an entire ocean (pacific if you must know) from japan. I consider myself obsessive. sure, compared to some people out there, i'm only mildly interested. whatever. thats not the point of this post.

whats wrong is that now i'm seriously questioning why i am so dead set on being lolita. to tell you the truth, i like normal fashion as well. stuff from 'Cutie' and other 'normal' magazines are really interesting to me as well - not to mention slightly (understatement alert) less expensive than that H.Naoto Wa-loli dress i've been watching. Actually, why not be normal? i can think of a few reasons that perhaps one person might want to be something else from everyone:

1. To be unique and to stand out from the crowd. Why cant you do this with normal fashion and culture? I've seen lots of really good fashion icons etc just wandering around downtown - they attract just as much attention. Also, the more attention you get is not necessarily better, if you think about it. I myself work at a lolita-shop, half normal clothing (which, by the way, we make far more sales from) and half lolita. Dressing up to go to work is fun, but to be honest, i attract a lot of not good attention sometimes, once we had to kick this man out of the building because he was hanging around with a camera-phone.

2. To show that we are interested in Lolita Culture/visual kei. Well, thats a good point, i cant argue that. Although, i must say: if (take for example) alice nine were walking down your street. the street is empty, except for two people. two girls. both cute. on the left side is a lolita-chick. shes wearing lots of black and visual kei stuff. tons of it. on the other side is a normal girl. shes wearing the cute mini-skirt, boots, jacket - just whatever. Which do you think the Jrockers will go to? A. The obsessed girl who will no doubt glomp them to death and profess undying love (which is very likely) or B, the cute sweet girl who is innocent and naive as to who they are. All celebrities want someone who they can be themselves with right? then wouldnt it be likely that they choose to spend time with the one that doesnt SEEM to know who they are? (sorry, i kinda wandered off topic here)

actually, i think the main reasons that i like lolita is that it makes me unique. different. and that i can show who i am. normally, i dont care what people think of me - that took a looooong time to kick into myself. but the oft callings of 'emo emo' and 'goth' and 'whatapunkwannabe' really are starting to tick me off. the whole emo thing is really NOT dying down. if anything, its like a single-celled organism thats splitting off every twenty minutes (in prime conditions; angsty music, dark atmospheres and a plentiful supply of black eye-makeup.) I'm always getting put into a category and to be honest, i'm quite sick of it.

maybe its time for change. 

I'll always love lolita and i'll always love being involved with visual kei and japan, but maybe its time for me to hang up the headdress? I dont know. this was my epiphany, it gave me drive - to work hard so i could someday live there. and it gave me self-confidence. but i think if that is ever to come true, i may have to let go of this fangirl-ism.

So, in the end, i guess...regardless of how i may dress on the outside from now on, i will always be dancing around in gothic lolita in my heart. 

Lolita are meant to be perfect. The human equivalent of dolls. We are essentially meant to resemble living porcelain dolls, which means that perfect procelain skin. No matter what lolita you are, be it Sweet or Classic or Gothic like me, the skin is a very important part.

Unfortunately, unless you are some lucky lucky lucky person who won the genetic lottery and physically dont undergo any acne in puberty, we have a problem.

I dont want to start sounding like a skincare ad. nor do i want to offer crazy home remedies - personally, the raw egg thing smells too bad.

However, i do have a few tips from my own experience - feel free to add your own in the comments. I have added the products i use, but dont feel pressured to buy them, if you prefer to use others, go ahead. I'm not working for Neutrogena, by the way XD, i just prefer it for its price and effectiveness.

This post goes through how to clear your skin from an initial routine to regular. Weekly rituals and whitening ideas (for the porcelain effect.)

You will need (depending on price range and skin type)

1. Face Cloth
2. Cleanser - cream or specifically for acne if neccesary (i prefer to use Neutogena Acne Wash)
3. Moisturizer or Lotion - preferably one for day with SPF 15+ and one for night. (i use Neutrogena 'Healthy Skin face lotion' and 'Healthy defense daily moisturizer'.)
4. Spot Gel - really good for any blemish and clears acne very well (Neutrogena Rapid Clear spot gel)
5. Exfoliant - Once a week, twice if you have coarse skin. Dont overdo it. (Sense rice bran exfoliator)

INITIAL DAILY ROUTINE

This is what i used to do when i first began, but you only need to do this for the first two weeks or so, your skin should improve rapidly, then you can move to the next routine.

1. Soak the face cloth in warm-hot water and rinse face. It will also help to leave the hot towel on your face for a while to open your pores for more effective cleansing.

2. While your face is still damp with the warm water, lather the cleanser onto your skin and massage all over face. Rinse.

3. Use lukewarm water and massage your face with your clean fingers in upwards circular motions. Doing this regularly will help with blood flow and create a better overall complexion.

4. To create a flawless look, you need to close your pores. You can either fill a basin with cold water and stick your head in, holding your breath, or get some ice cubes from the freezer and rub them over your face.

5. Wipe off any water and squeeze out some moisturizer. massage into the skin - dont use too much or your skin could feel oily. Just use enough for it not to feel dry.

6. Using a q-tip, use a little of the spot gel on each individual blemish. I find that the gel works most effectively if you dont rub it in, but instead leave a bit of the gel on it. This is gonna tingle - dont touch it.

This should be enough for the first two weeks. providing you keep it up, and the quality of your skincare is assured, your skin should improve rapidly. Make sure that you always end with cold water - this closes your pores to make sure that no dirt will get inside and create more acne. WARNING: i dont suggest that you mix lots of brands together, it could be ok with upscale cosmetics, but not the cheap ones. this could scar your skin or worse.

REGULAR ROUTINE

After the intensive first two weeks, you can either continue as usual or simply opt to:

1. Rinse with warm water

2. Lather and massage cleanser into skin, rinse with cold water.

3. moisturize

4. Treat the spots.

this is actually pretty much what you essentially have to do. Good for if you dont have much time. The initial stage should have gotten rid of most of the problems, so keeping this up ought to be enough to maintain your good skin. If at any stage it starts going south, just go back to the first stage.

WEEKLY ROUTINE

The best way to create the porcelain skin is to exfoliate the dead skin cells away. this can be done up to three times a week depending on how strong your exfoliant is. I prefer to use a natural rice bran one, use for only once per week - check the details on the bottle.

this is what i do when i have a spare moment every week.

1. Use the same hot towel technique. if you have time, boil some water and hang your head over it, use a towel to cover your head and the pot of water. the steam will open your pores.

2. Use your everday cleanser as normal. Rinse with warm water

3. Using the washcloth, gently massage the clean skin to exfoliate lightly. dont start scrubbing.

4. Use the exfoliant. Use the same upwards circular strokes, and work in the little grains. Keep it up for a while, maybe a minute or so. Rinse with warm water

5. Use the cleanser again. rinse with cold water. and then use ice cubes.

6. Blot away any moisture and get out the moisturizer - i prefer to use Neutrogena Healthy Skin face lotion at this point, its more intense than a normal moisturizer, but really effective - despite the initial irritation.

7. Spot treatment.

If all this doesnt improve your skin - go see a dermatologist. Its beyond Auntie SaKi's powers.

WHITENING

Hooooo boy. This one is a pickle. Its quite amusing to me though. Lots of asian people are absolutely whining about wanting white skin. then the westerners (forgive me) all want tan skin. This is REALLY FUNNY for me. Since i'm asian...living in west..XD. I go around on summer days with long sleeves and parasols/umbrellas and people stare at my paleness~ XD lol

okay. heres the deal. Lolita are meant to be refined and doll-like. Since dolls are so pale, and since asians seem to think that pale-ness is a sign of wealth and prosperity (since in the olden days wealthy people didnt have to work in the fields, and stayed home therefore pale) we need to be pale too. This is not to say that if you are naturally dark-skinned you cant be lolita! i have seen many fine examples of Lolita, spanish, african american and they all pulled it off really well!

Tips:

The easiest way - stay in the shade. wear big hats (or bonnets ^^) and parasols. Wear long sleeves. not very difficult since we do that anyway.

Exfoliate regularly to reveal new white skin.

Lemons and Milk are very good natural skin whiteners. Just add them to your weekly routine. i prefer the lemon approach cos i can feel it working. Just rub it in after cleansing, let it dry and rinse off, then proceed with moisturiser

You can purchase high-quality products like 'Lancome - Blanc Expert' or 'Shiseido - UVwhite' but the whole series is ridiculously overpriced for my poor wallet to handle.

CONCLUSION

that is all the advice i have for you! good luck, and keep to the routine. As long as you keep it up, results will show!! Dont just let it pass and say 'i'll do it tomorrow'. try plugging the sink when you rinse off the cleanser - you'll be suprised how much dirt your skin gathers in one day alone.

Good Luck!  

I was meaning to this a long long time ago...>.< oops. I'm breaking it up into sections to make it easier to read.

OVERVIEW: Well, it wasnt really that interesting REALLY. Just meeting relatives and a little shopping - no sightseeing at all, and since my family members come from little towns that arent really well known, the shopping wasnt that great either. -_- sigh. also, the vacation photos i DID take are all uploaded onto a prtbl harddrive - which, since its chinese technology...crapped up on me the second time i tried to use it. tada. the wonders of china. I'm not anti-patriotic or anything, its not that i hate the country, i just know the downbringings of their society. Think about it, with so many people in china, and yourself having little money, it would be more profitable to create second-rate things cheaply than to create good-quality things expensively (they would still be sold for the same price). this theory would explain my broken Mp3, cellphone and prtbl harddrive. i lament the phone the most. i actually had to pay for that one myself. T.T

WHERE: i had to get to china and return alone, so i had to go through hong kong international airport, arriving wasnt really fun, i was rushing because even though our plane arrived an HOUR early, i set off the alarm at customs AGAIN. -_-. dont worry, there was no um...cavity searches. I stayed in Zhuhai (which along with shenzhen are the two most economically stable cities in mainland china) before going to Jiexi to visit my relatives. Both places are in Guangdong province, where everyone knows cantonese and some know mandarin. did i mention that i know virutally no cantonese anymore, and that my mandarin is shit? yeah...NOT FUN. especially since the shopkeepers are vultures, and if you are gaijin to them, they charge you sooooo much!

RELATIVES: well. that part was interesting. in Jiexi, i have relatives from my stepperson's side, and some from my grandmother and grandfather. they all come from around that area. jiexi is pretty good considering the condition of some remote places in china, but even so, no one there is rich by any means. they live day to day really. Its amazing what my dad was able to do to get our family to new zealand at all. virtually no one has ever done it before, and compared to them, i'm like some kind of heiress (and i'm just middle class NZer here!) I have two girl cousins and one boy cousin on my stepperson's side. The girls are 8 and 15, the boy is 16. 15 and 16 are siblings, 8 is by herself. I liked 15 and 16, they didnt talk much at all. 8 wouldnt shut up. 8 was so clingy, i hate it. those of you who know me well know that i really dont like sweet bubblegum pop things. like little 8 year old girls. it was sickening, so obedient too. shes such a girl. >-< 15 was fine, she was really cpop though (i use that to describe norm. asian girls with the photowhoring and the technicolor clothing) 16 was interesting...XD he is really pretty...like a girl (which i like) he was pretty, but i didnt think he was THAT pretty. We had fangirls lined up in the street!! i really dont get why hes so popular. but i liked him, he didnt talk much, and he didnt act all up himself. His process of leaving the house is really funny though - running around like a headless chicken. i wish i had a brother like that! i also have two boy cousins on my dads side, 2 and 9. 9 was AWESOME - i prefer his company to 8. he liked anime (albeit chinese anime) but after i introduced him to bleach and p.o.t. and naruto, he will never go back XD. i left all my anime cds with him too. ^^ what a good big sister i am (although most of it is a little gory XD) meeting my relatives was fun. i noticed something about my stepperson though. (i really dont like her) her being stupid is hereditary. seriously, everyone on her side of the family is ridiculously thick-skulled.

SHOPPING: for all NZers out there (i'm sure this applies to many other countries too) GO TO CHINA, even if only for the shopping, it will be SO worth it. NZ$1 = RMB$5.80, one item of clothing for example is $30 in NZ$ and in RMB$. that means one shirt here is equal to like, 6 in china. STOP BUYING THINGS AND GO TO CHINA. that is the moral of this story. i've already stopped buying any normal clothing, i only buy lolita clothes now, i'm waiting for my next trip to china. if you are gaijin - GO WITH A CHINESE FRIEND OR YOU WILL BE CHEATED OUT OF ALL YOUR MONEY. that is very important. chinese are ruthless money-lovers. if you are gaijin, they'll chew you up and spit you out! Ah yes,

SaKi's GUIDE TO SHOPPING LOLITA IN CHINA (and some other places, i guess)

1. Give up. Chinese people DO NOT LIKE THE JAPANESE. yes, yes, yes, OK i GET IT. i'm chinese too, YES, they bombed us, YES, they stole our chopsticks, language and silk etc etc, YES they were mean. but people, PEOPLE. MOVE ON!! get over it!!! they are too much of a world power when it comes to fashion (yohji yamamoto for example, comme des garcons) and technology. SO LET IT GO.

2. uhhh, what was my point? oh yes. there is no lolita in mainland china, give up. that being said, you CAN go and collect the essential items of the semi-lolita wardrobe. for example, the classic white (or black) blouse, is plentiful in china, nicknamed 'princess shirts'. You can also find some pouffy skirts in black with lace. the rock scene is non-existent in china, so punk-lolitas, i'm sorry. however, everyone over there is pop-posed-as-rock. so you can find some punk-ish skirts in underground shops. trenchcoats are big in china too, and some have loli-fied fur collars and ribbons.

3. There is nothing lolita in china, if there is, i havent seen it and would really appreciate a street address, thank you. however, by assembling some vague lolita items together, you will be able to create a casual lolita outfit - just a blouse and skirt for example, you can always add your own headdresses and jewelery and legwarmers when you get home. speaking of which, legwarmers and long sock with sewn on lace garters are plentiful - i bought 5 pairs.

4. Essentially, you should get some normal clothes too, just in case of any sudden event with a dress code XD luckily, where i work, we are encouraged to wear things from the shop (its a gothloli shop).

5. Good luck, be safe and dont listen to the shop assisstant, i tried on a retro gold jacket with sequins and they told me i looked fabuous. DONT LISTEN TO THEM.     

MUSIC & FASHION: dont expect any jrock or jpop in mainland china. or Gothic and Lolita Bibles (once again, if you saw any on your trip, i would really appreciate a street address) once again, i remind you that the chinese DETESTE le japanois. (lol, making wild guesses) the best they have is chinese and korean pop stars. DBSK or THSK or TVXQ whatever you call it is popular, along with Supu or Super Junior (i quite like them - haha, i love Heechul the most. i think its cos he looks like a girl XD) if there is indeed a chinese rock industry...its extremely underground...there are anime magazines and korean fashion magazines though - i got some japanese ones in HK airport on the way back.

WHERE TO SHOP: go for the tiny shops rather than the department shops. Find a shopping district - they have tons of little shops crammed together. The advantage in lots of little shops is that if the price is too high, its likely you will find the same item next door! You shouldnt buy anything on the first day, just check out the prices, so that when you start purchasing, you know you wont be ripped off. i learned that the hard way. Dont listen to the shop assisstants, they just love you for your money. if you are lolita, you are probably adept at making your own clothes, so you would probably know a little bit about the quality of the clothing. Save some money for the airport, if its a major one, which if you are flying internationally to china, it will be, there will be lots of int, books and things. in HK there is a large range of japanese magazines at 'RELAY' a bookstore.

NOTE: Anyone who is offended at my generalisations of chinese people, please remember that I AM ALSO CHINESE. if you are chinese too, and are still offended, then i want you to look at the people around you the next time you are in china and SEE IF I'M WRONG.

if after reading this you are keen to go to china, good!! here are a few rules to keep you out of mischief.

1. dont wear a backpack at all or a handbag if you can help it, these are really easily to steal from. get a sling-across-the-shoulder bag.

2. be prepared to be cheated. even if you are super careful, we chinese are smart!

3. dont buy technology, its not worth the heartache when they CRAP UP ON YOU THE SECOND TIME YOU USE THEM.

4. dont forget that airlines have weight limits.

5. quality is never guaranteed.

6. dont eat meat while in china. i didnt eat any meat, and i still got food-poisoning.

7. dont drink the water,

8. always carry spare change and toilet paper, you have to pay for public toilets and theres no toilet paper.

9. careful not to blow all your money in the first few days.

10. going with a friend is the most fun.

Ticket prices range from $1100 to $2100 depending on the season, and chinese festivals. I estimate that about NZ$600 would last you more than enough in china, if you dont go spending it on department stores and technology.

Please add your own too! ^^ I stole the layout from 雅-Miyavi. XD edited though, i dont think you need to know my ring size...>.> incidentally, we have the same perfume...although i have 'Addict' No.2 (he has original) and i have the limited edition 'Baby Doll'...weird, huh? ^^

昨夜-Sakuya

• Age: Secret =D
• Career: Architect ^^
• Horoscope: Leo
• Chinese Zodiac: Monkey
• Blood Type: need to find that out...probably A or AB
• Height: 151cm (short..)
• Hobbies: Sewing, shopping 'doctoring' clothes, finding Visual Kei music online
• Specialty: Doctoring clothes, second hand shopping - good at bargains and making friends with randoms ^^
• Eyesight: Bad. Need new glasses, everyone in V-Kei has Shou-type ones. should get those.
• Hometown: China
• Sports: Long distance running, tennis.
• Hairstyle: Ryuutarou style, longer, fringe parted and hair flicks at random places sometimes - shou style.
• Favourite Drink: Green milk tea and Chocolate Pearl Milk tea
• Attractive Type: Boys? XD (he wrote: girls at most...hmm)
• Favourite Food: Muffins and cookies, sashimi and sushi, ramen! milk tea (esp green and pearl)
• Favourite Brands: Sex Pot Revenge, H.Naoto, Black Peace Now, Metamorphose, Sexy Dynamite London
• Favourite Colours: Black, White, Red, Pink. Definitely Black/Red and Black/White themes.
• Favourite Band: 雅-Miyavi, alice nine, Plastic Tree, The GazettE.
• Admired Person: 雅-Miyavi and Ryuutarou Arimura.
• Favourite Song(s): 'Last Waltz' + 'Ghost' + 'Sangatsu Itsuka' - Plastic Tree. 'Jingle Bell' + 'Fuminshou no Nemuri Hime' - 雅-Miyavi 
• Perfume: Dior 'Addict no. 2' and Yves Saint Laurent 'Baby Doll' limited edition, Aquolina 'Pink Sugar'.
• Specialty: Crafts and recreating things.
• Weak Point: Have multiple personalities that conflict each other. 'Yoru' + 'Sora' ( 'Night' + 'Sky') punk+sweet.
• Smokes: doesnt.
• Piercings: Two in each ear. Thinking of cartilage - but i'm a wuss with pain. Often wears fake spring one in right side of lower lip and one in cartilage. (such a rebel XD not.)
• Favourite Sayings: 'uso'. (lie, no way), 'urusai' (noisy, annoying), 'bang' (you have to watch 'Kurosagi' to get this)
• Peculiarites: Multiple personlalities. Keeps score with world. Weird tick of poking tongue out at upper left. Stands with feet turned inward.
• Special Abilities: Good memory for stupid things (like memory span of goldfish etc), super power cramming (i dont actually cram, thats why i'm good at it ^^ just read notes, its easier than becoming panicked). Becoming friends with random shopkeepers and gettind discounts... 

Ahhhh, snowy christmas~ lots of snow, lots of happy people, and lots of opportunities to wear snow-themed lolita clothing, desu ne? Too bad i live in new zealand and its summer here...^^ Ah well, time to break out those picnic baskets, baking trays and ice trays (for ice tea).

Well, lets see~ i think i already wrote one, but it was generalised, this is SAKUYA's personal one!

♥ Definitely some brand stuff. From Black Peace Now, H.Naoto, Putumayo, Atelier maybe. Or Metamorphose's Alice and the Pirates range. Sex Pot Revenge, ID Japan (they do visual kei costuming for PVs i believe ^^) If you like sweeter stuff (oohhh sakuya's a rebel XD) go for victorian maiden, innocent world, metamorphose, angelic pretty and baby (the stars shine bright).

♥ A years subscription to Kera, G&L Bible, Shoxx, Arena37 and Fools Mate X3. Visual Kei-ers like me will like Shoxx, Arena37 and Fools Mate. True lolita fans will like G&L bible and seasonal brand books (i have spring and autumn) and street-fashion lovers will like Kera and Fruits (although i dont really like fruits ^^")

♥ More dresses~~~ Dresses are good for girly girls ^^ punk lolitas might like ripped up long jackets instead, and since i find it really fun dressing boystyle, some cute hats and ties.

♥ Perfume. I have started to really get into perfumes lately ^^ So definitely

• Addict no. 2 by Christian Dior
• Baby Doll by Lves Saint Laurent
• BVLGARI black by BVLGARI (yes, its for guys. XD)
• Pink Sugar by Aquolina
• Cool Water for Woman by Davidoff

It all depends, once again on what type of person you are. I prefer simple, clean and sweet. So the ones i liked are generally flowery and a little oriental. You could probably go to a good department store, and they will be able to find one for you! But they arent very cheap, i'm afraid. ^^" I think that since there are so many fragrances available, if you have the opportunity, definitely pick one that you LOVE! It can become your signature scent. Did you know that everyone associates smells with feelings? Its true. I feel ecstatically happy when i smell watermelons! If you have your own signature scent, and you are a great person to hang around, people will naturally feel happy when they smell your scent!

♥ Manga!! Esp. Alichino and Hana Kimi and Death Note (LOL polar opposites ^^) Look out for Rozen Maiden if you are a lolita fan, the doll concept and relevance to Alice in Wonderland is really appropriate. If you are a little strange, like me and you like Shounen (boys manga) definitely try out Bleach and Death Note - yes i know what happens, and i am aware that Death Note has a less than satisfactory ending, but up to book 7 is really good. Paradise Kiss is good if you like fashion oriented manga too. Alichino has beautiful artwork.

♥ BOOKS! yay, books are good~ ^^ I especially want some old ones, who doesnt? And some architecture photography books and plans - Sakuya's gonna be an ARCHITECT. bwahahahaha - i'm going to name one of my buildings 'SAIGO' XD (最高) Well, i think i got some translations wrong, but the kanji meaning in chinese means 'the tallest' ^^

try broadening your horizans! dont just read fun things like craft books, get something educational as well!

♥ Tea. I am actually quite a tea novice, i dont know much, admittedly. Although, if anyone has the time to write about some teas, and reviews. We could set up a Dollhouse Tea Weekly ^^ everyone could review a specific tea every week ^^ my favourite tea right now is Ceylon. it creates a really nice golden colour - maybe just because i use too much tea. ^^

♥ Jewellery. Need more pearls!! Also, i'm currently really into the whole concept of making something YOURS. When you are recognised for specific things, hence the perfume as well. I like being known for something. Thats why, if you can, i think you should perhaps get a necklace or bracelet - GOOD QUALITY of course! and wear it always, as your signature thing. it is really sweet too, to always wear something! maybe you could buy one with the new year! I always do that DX. Buy an item that you feel close to with the New Year, and swear on it...that you will do your best to study or something. wearing it always will keep you motivated. I'm planning to do this!

Look out for Vivienne Westwood (although her stuff is pretty mainstream in japan already) 

♥ SHOES. Ahhh its so difficult to find any Lolita style shoes!!! I have some high-heeled school shoes that i always use, and i recently purchased some pirate style school shoes - with a big buckle and 6cm heel. i dont know what the inches are though ^^

I hope my list helped you figure out what to extort sorry, ask your parents for this snowy (or um, autmny, springy, summery, depending where you live) christmas ^^

(sorry for lack of photos - my internet is capped DX)  

is hard.

I am really really bad at HTML. T.T

need help.

gahhhhh Dx

btw, my exams went pretty well.

only one left

wish me good luck ^^

I saw you again

last night. every night

you haunt me

a demon, an angel

an ethereal phantom

i hate you. i love you.

there is nothing i dont feel for you.

you beckon me closer

to the brink of life and death

you whisper to me

of dark secrets

i dont wish to know

just go away

Bottomless eyes

that hold the world

bore into me

a demon. an angel.

whats the difference anymore?

you are the Raven

that plagues my mind

you sit on the threshold

saying 'Nevermore'

let me alone

so that i may sleep

sink into unconciousness

of sweet darkness

insomnia, insomnia

i am the princess of insomnia.

perhaps you warn me

but with blind faith

i close my mortal eyes

sleep, goodnight

and pray to wake up

to another day

Another bright day

the light burns me

are you a vampire

that has tasted my blood?

sent from heaven

sent from hell

light, darkness, angel, demon

i no longer care

just leave me alone

so that i may sleep.

in peace.

Okay. I'm gonna have to be straight here. When i first became interested in Lolita, i was a total and completely utter NOOB. i'm not really a gamer, but thats the only way i know how to put it. i was also a faker i guess. Xo yes, sakuya-san used to be incompetent too.

BWAHA not anymore. XD

anyway, i thought it might relieve or amuse, whatever, you to know that everyone starts off being a little naive and ignorant. Here are some rules that i broke.

(Rule #1) Anything with lace is lolita 

Upon reflection of my newly acquired wardrobe (about two months later, when i started to understand it) and some of the amateur things i had made, i was so shocked at myself and my NOOBness. (i am aware that it is not always written in caps, thanks) i ended up selling them all online and had to start with scratch and -$50.

(Rule #2) Lolita is Cosplay

Ohhh boy was that a no-no. luckily i never told anyone thats what i thought, so i didnt get pounded on XD

(Rule #3) Lolita is only a fashion

When i first read the wikipedia article that stated 'true lolita do not think of it as a fashion trend, but as a way of life' i was like 'PFFSHHH what on earth?!' (yea...no, my etiquette skills hadnt kicked in). 

(Rule #4) Lolita Etiquette

Lets just say i was not the happiest little lolita all the time. I admit i have a temper sometimes, so it was not easy to contain myself when people said things about me on the street.

Not really a rule, but it was so stupid i have to share

I started liking lolita about a week before my friends birthday. it was a costume party, so i wanted to dress lolita. I was less than accomplished at the lolita concept (as you can see). i drew a picture of what i wanted to go as. Back then, my drawing skills sucked and i was TERRIBLE at lolita obviously. I came across the picture about a week or so ago. it was complete and utter shock. IT WAS SOOOOO HORRIBLE. >.< i compensated by redrawing the picture (one of my habits, i draw new picture similar to old pictures to see how my style has changed) with a REAL lolita style. It was little red riding hood, incidentally.

the moral of this story is. even if someone seems like they are really good at something (not that i am saying i am ^^") they also began from NOOBidity. so just try to research about it, before you start running around screaming I'M LOLITA, I'M LOLITA. same with punk and other styles. I like punk style, but i dont like the sex pistols or anything, so i have never even considered wearing band shirts of theirs. DONT WEAR BAND SHIRTS OF BANDS YOU DONT KNOW.  

as part of my friendly outreach program to all members ^^ i would like to try to get some of our members to become more actively involved!

please compose a POST and put it up on Dollhouse.

which do you like?

why do you like it the most?

do you have any favourite brands, accessories or other interests?

- make the Dollhouse more active. ^^

I'll go first.

I like punk and gothic lolita a lot. I also like classic and the aristocrat.

I like gothic and punk because it reflects my somewhat less than sweet personality at times ^^ (yes, sakuya-san has a bit of a temper) I like the deconstructed look, and trying to be perfect is sometimes really hard. I still follow the etiquette rules, but black just makes me happy. Btw, i am not emo...

I love brands, but they arent really available in New Zealand, which is good for my wallet. I like Black Peace Now, Putumayo, Milk (esp. milk boy ((yes, i am a girl))), h.naoto and sex pot revenge. i also like the sweeter ones, like metamorphose, and 'alice and the pirates' by baby the stars shine bright. I like blouses and skirts individually the best, and chokers too. Dresses are nice, its just that you cant mix and match them. Socks are fun too.

I am a Jrocker ^^ i love jrock and esp visual kei. My favourite band right now is Plastic Tree. I am still lamenting that Ryuutarou Arimura the lead singer (who also coined the phrase 'Kodona' from 'Kodoma Otona' (child adult) as his fashion style) is about...19 years older than me and their band formed when i was 1...XD i also like alice nine and miyavi.

Okay, theres an example, it doesnt have to be so long though!

guess what? i decided to start writing in black.. O.o lol. the pink was starting to do my head in. DX

so anyway, i have been studying really hard, even though i am taking my exams a year early...its pretty strange, i'm not that worried. i have science exams on three days next week, so i'm pretty worn out.

Random stuff that i do:

I really liked thinking up stories in my head since i was little, (i should totally become a manga-ka lol) and whenever i'm stressed, my brain is able to shut off and relive one of those little stories. its fun. its like having a portable dvd in your head, but you can change the plotline every single time. My parents tell me i have an overactive imagination. =D but thats good. i could totally sit and watch paint dry. ^^ oh yea. i did. XD when i was redoing my room. i think the paint fumes got to me though. tee hee.

My latest random story involves a girl and a boy (oh shock) that meet in a foreign country. I have to hammer out the details, but it should be rather short story. ok here goes:

Boy and Girl who really like each other, but cant stay together for long, make a pact to never tell each other their names, so their fairytale wont end (dont ask, too complicated) but on the last night, girl breaks the rules when the boy kisses her and he points to the moon 'tsuki desu' and she replies 'yoroshiku. yue desu' both smile. and then because i am mean, they never meet each other again!!

haha, you get the significance? Tsuki and Yue are the japanese and chinese words for moon. they both mean 'moon'. i dont know why i chose moon, i just thought it was pretty, i was also debating for a while about 'sora' and 'tian' but i think 'tsuki' and 'yue' is better.  

heres a couple more lyrics i wrote: but just note here, please dont plaguerize. if you 'borrow' this material I'LL POKE YOU WITH CHOPSTICK. ^^ m'kay?

#1 its short, but sweet i think, it plays on my love of using the phrase 'Ashita Tenki Ni Naare'

TOMORROW 

As we stand

on the shoreline

past the lights of the people

in our own world

'i'm leaving' you say

it breaks my heart

'tomorrow' you say

it tears my heart

Water meets earth

waves meet sand

i comtemplate a life

without you

impossible

but tomorrow you leave

so i must savour my last hours with you

until the moment they end

we bask in the dying sun

bright red flames across the sea

across the shore

across our paths

It looks so beautiful

and i know in my heart

tomorrow will be a better day

ashita tenki ni naare

#2. i like rain.

SEASON OF RAIN:

Its time for the rain

wash away out past, our sins

come to cleanse the world

pure and clean

all that is beautiful

in the rain

children dance in puddles

without a care of the future

the heavens open

and the rain falls down to earth

is it the rain i see?

reflected in your azure eyes

or the sadness

that causes those tears to fall

one with the rain

tell, so that i may share

the burden of your heart

let me help you

walk with you

down the paths of your past

the heavens open up

and the rain falls down to earth

can you not trust me?

'somethings cannot be shared'

can you not trust me?

do you doubt me?

rain falls...

steadily to the stones

as the street fills with rain,

my heart fills with doubt

the season of rain

so dear to my heart

so melancholy and serene

wash away the past

the dirt

look to the heavens

and lose yourself

in the neverending downpour

of sweet rain.